I have to confess, no post on The Grafton Villager has ever gotten me as hot and bothered as this one.
It seems the School Committee last night was asked to add a new behavior code of conduct that addresses “physical acts of affection that violate the norms of good taste.” The principal is now able to discipline such acts with a flexible policy allowing suspension from one to 10 days.
And, the money quote:
“It was an act that had never occurred before,” said Grafton High School Principal James Pignataro. “And we had nothing in the handbook to address it.” He said the event occurred in a room, an unauthorized space that was not locked. He added that it was an isolated incident.
Good Lord. Grafton High School students have discovered a new sex act.
No, really. Jim Pignataro has been a high school principal, a high school teacher, for decades. What on earth has he never seen before in that cesspool of raging hormones?
I picture a pair of students in lab coats, one a girl who is 80s-nerdy in that “I’ll just whip off my glasses and everyone will be amazed that I’m totally hot” kind of way (Sidenote: this actually did occur in the ’80s. I was asked out for the first time on the very day I replaced my glasses with contacts, and it didn’t even require a mall-shopping montage set to “I’m So Excited”), the other a distracted science type with a strong jawline. They’re in the biology lab quizzing each other before the next test and challenge each other to a game of strip Guess the Phylum.
No, that can’t be it. OK, our innocent lab rats fall into an embrace and begin sensuously pummeling each other with the contents of the various jars of formaldehyde — frogs, starfish, earthworms. The horrified teacher who encounters this suddenly realizes the school’s handbook does not cover abuse of amphibians and invertebrates.
Or maybe there was an iPad involved. Hmmm. An X-rated, or even R-rated, video definitely falls under the existing electronic device policy, but maybe there was a vibrating app?
The speculation continues. It had to have been something really bizarre to flummox Mr. Pig.